Longing for the Child Behind the Closed Door

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This week, my son has had me in tears more than once. I try not to let the things he says to me get under my skin, but sometimes he is just a jerk. Yup, I said it and I mean it. If you know me you’ve probably heard me gripe about it more than once, longing for change.

I remember him being little and so sweet. He slept with me until he was five and was my best friend. My husband and I met right after my son turned one and they too became best friends. As he grew up, one of their favorite things to do together was hunting, he lived for it. It has gotten harder for my husband to take him though with work and financial obligations, just to name a few.

Lately, I find myself avoiding my teenage son like the plague just to skip the arguments. I can’t talk to him without an attitude or without him rolling his eyes at me. He recently told me to “mind my own business,” but I guess he doesn’t realize that he is my business. It’s still my job to care for him, to provide for him, and to love him. And let me tell you, he doesn’t make that last one easy sometimes.

angry attitude All of my children have my love, but I don’t like them all the time. Sometimes I don’t see my older children for more than an hour if that. I carve out time for family activities and outings, but I have to beg them to go by reminding them that we won’t always have this time and we can’t take life for granted. But, that is the last thing on their minds.

People often tell me how respectful and kind my children are. And, for the longest time, I told myself as long as they are treating other people well I’m doing something right. I’m just not okay with that anymore! I want to be treated in exactly the same way. Give me the respect, kindness, and compassion you show to others. Shouldn’t I be the one that gets most of that?!

I’m hoping this is all a phase and that someday soon I won’t stay after at work to avoid my children. I won’t need to leave for an entire day to “refresh” myself just to walk in and have someone already screaming at me.

What I hear is that “it gets better,” but what do you do while you’re waiting for that season?

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